Have you or your partner got something on the side? Loving your main partner but keeping your Makhwapheni undercover? Ever heard of a sexual network? Did you know that having more than one sexual partner at a time greatly increases your risk of getting HIV and STIs? Read on to find out more...

Multiple concurrent partnerships or MCP, is a hot topic at the moment. Researchers from Harvard University in America say “Multiple Concurrent Partnerships are the most powerful force driving the spread of HIV in Southern Africa”. Now that's serious. But what does it actually mean?

Basically, MCP is a fancy way of saying you've got “something on the side” – where a person has more than one sexual partner (i.e. multiple partners) at the same time (i.e. concurrent).

Main and casual, steady and side, regte, makhapeni, roll-on, nyatsi, even polygamy (having more than one wife) - whatever you call it – MCP means having more than one sexual partner at the same time. And it's not just about one night stands. Many people have two or more long term partners at the same time.

But what's the big problem with having something on the side?

The problem is that having more than one sexual partner at a time creates a sexual network. Think about it. If you or your partner has something on the side, what are the chances that these other partners also have something on the side? You could, in fact, be connected to quite a few people!

What is really serious is that if one person in the chain is infected with HIV and doesn't use a condom as protection during sex, then everyone in the network is at risk of being infected.

Another big problem is that the longer someone is in a relationship the less likely they are to use a condom, which, in a sexual network, means that HIV can spread pretty fast...

For the ladies... “Sex4Stuff” Many young women feel they have no choice but to enter into different sexual relationships to get the stuff they need in life, such as cell phone credit, transport or clothing. Other women might feel they are driven to find another partner for money, and then use the money to take care of their families. Poverty is a reality in our communities, and when times are tough, having sex4stuff might seem like the only way out. Unfortunately, having sex with older men and women – sugar daddies and mommies - increases the risk of HIV even further. “No girl power” In general, different gender roles give men more power than women in sexual relationships. This means that men often decide when and how to have sex and women may find it very hard to express their needs, expectations and boundaries in sexual relationships.

For the men... “It's my culture...” In many cultures, people believe that men have stronger sexual feelings and urges than women. Many cultures find it acceptable for men to openly express their sexuality and this can mean having several girlfriends or changing girlfriends often. Having several sexual partners can be seen as a way in which men express their masculinity. “I couldn't help myself” Some men would say that as men they cannot control their sexual urges so they think they need to have many partners at the same time to ensure they can get what they want when they need it.

But everybody's doing it?

There are many different reasons why men and women may have more than one sexual partner at a time, or accept the fact that their partner has something on the side. Read the list below and have a think about your own community and your own life – which reasons do you hear most often?

“Everybody's doing it…”
Ever heard of peer pressure? Well, in many communities, having more than one partner is considered so normal, that you feel that it's totally acceptable to be doing it as well. Alcohol or drug abuse: When people get drunk or use drugs they can quickly loose control of their mind and their body. They can easily end up having sex with someone they might not even have looked at when sober, even if they have another steady partner.

Sexual dissatisfaction:
Many people don't feel able to talk about sex openly with their partner, so can't talk about what they like, or what they want to do. Many people choose to have other partners because they want to explore sexually - and don't feel that their main partner will let them have their fun.

Bad relationships:
Some people might look to another partner because they lack true love, trust and respect in their main relationship. They look to others for escape and to have some fun. Often, this is because they aren't able to talk openly with their partner, or share how they are feeling. Many young people who would rather wait, have sex because they are looking for love and think that sex will give them love. This isn't true. Real love is about respect, shared vision and commitment and sex can often confuse and complicate a relationship.

Few role-models these days:
Few of us can count on one hand the number of relationships we really admire, where both partners are committed for life, are faithful, honest and respect each other. Just because you don't see this type of relationship lived out all around you does not mean that commitment, respect and faithfulness is not possible. Remember, you're worth the best; you can be the change you want to see in the world and at the same time be someone else's role model.

So, what can you do to stay safe?
Respect yourself, and know what you want. You're precious, and you have the power to choose if you want to have sex or not. You also deserve a partner you can trust to be faithful to you. Have you thought about saying no to sex for now, and waiting till you have found a lifelong partner in a relationship where you are committed to and confident in your partner?

Commit to one partner whose status you know. Having only one faithful relationship at a time is the only way to prevent being in a sexual network if you are sexually active, and greatly reduces your risk of getting HIV.

Use a condom correctly every time you have sex.

Stay sober. Abusing alcohol and drugs affects our decision making skills You may have decided not to have sex but because you are always getting drunk, you end up making decisions that you don't believe in. Know your status. If you are sexually active, going for regular HIV tests is the only way to be sure of where you stand.

Communicate about sex. If you do choose to have sex with your partner, it is important that you spend time talking about your feelings and your needs. This will strengthen your relationship and prevent either of you drifting to the side.

Space your relationships. When changing partners, it is wise to space relationships by at least six weeks, just so you can be sure of your status. BUT it is still risky to have multiple partners even if you wait to have sex. Get support and advice. Do you feel you have to have sex for food, money or other stuff? Are you being forced to have sex against your will? Are you afraid that your partner might have something on the side? You don't have to go through this alone. Think about talking to a friend, a GOLD peer educator, facilitator, youth leader or a teacher you trust about your situation.

 

What the research says

In 2006, at the SADC think tank on HIV prevention held in Maseru, multiple and concurrent sexual partnerships (MCP) was identified as a key driver of HIV in the region. The SADC HIV AND AIDS STRATEGIC FRAMEWORK AND PROGRAMME OF ACTION 2010-2015 also identifies the need to incorporate messaging about reducing Multiple Concurrent Partners (MCP) as a key priority in HIV prevention responses in the region.